n the book Art of Possibility, the authors have a chapter called "Being a contribution". The main idea is that we should go into our days with the attitude that you have something to contribute, something of value that will positively affect the day. well, I've been just about fed up with how I've been feeling recently when preparing and teaching classes. I've been going to class with the attitude that I'm going to fail, or that they won't understand me,or that I am too incompetent in my knowledge of Spanish to be able to teach it. Point is that I have been knocking myself down and limited my potential. It's been really easy to be like this because the attitude has been pretty negative around here. I know this is contrary to what I wrote at the beginning of the year, pretty much saying that life was perfect. well this still is a very special place, but what's happened is that there is a lot of change going on here and change makes people unhappy and uncomfortable. we just adopted a block schedule, there is a lot of reconstruction and construction changing the look of the campus, old traditions are being altered, there's new faculty, yada yada....point is that many people are uncomfortable with the growing pains and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. So recently I've been really affected by their attitudes. Every day someone has something negative to say about the schedule or the construction outside our office, or the alertness of the students, etc.
Well I'm fed up with it. I'm tired of feeling like i'm going to vomit before or during my class. I'm tired of complaining, I'm tired of feeling like a downer and so it's time for a change. I want to declare myself a contribution each day, whether big or small. I need to keep it all in perspective and try to see that light at the end of tunnel. My housemate here gave me a good thought: Getting somewhere hard to get to takes a lot of work. Seems like an obvious statement but it's so true. I need to remember that I will not become a super amazing teacher in one day, two months, or even a year, or two years....the point is that any goal is going to take some work to reach and i just need to suck it up and get through the growing pains.This said, there is still the possibility for good each day. that is where the contribution comes in. i need to declare myself a contribution each and every moment of every day or else I will be bound to fail. I know deep down that I have something to offer these girls.It may not be perfection as a teacher but there is always something positive that i can bring every day. I don't like how it feels to dig my own grave and put myself down after every failure. I need to challenge my/the general conception of reality and deny that failure always has to be something negative. Instead failure is a sign of growth, improvement, advancement.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
(from last thursday)
Okay, so I'm feeling pretty down right now. the only image that I can conjure up for how I think of my teaching profession as it stands is of this wonderful yet trecherous rollercoaster ride that brings me to the highest heights with the most beautiful view and then after two seconds of enjoyment I drop down screaming into a dark abyss. After some seconds of confusion and chaos I ride back out and see the sunlight again. If I'm not painting that picture clearly it's because I feel like I'm in the abyss right now. I had a great ride up the hill with my Spanish 2 class this morning. I am so comfortable with these girls and for the most part they respond to me just how I want them to. I can be funny with the, joke with them, but at the same time be serious and get down to business and teach them. I also interact with some of the girls outside of class so it makes it so much easier. In today's class they were excited and receptive to the fun lesson I had planned. The climax of the ride was so rewarding because the girls were really getting the new vocab I had presented and they even were wanting to know some new verb conjugations that we won't learn for a few more days. It felt so good.
But now for the downer.... After my Spanish 2 class I had about 3 hours to review and perfect my lesson plans for Spanish 1 at 1:45pm. I had done most of the planning until 2am last night (probably a factor of my sour mood) after being on dorm duty from 8pm (when we returned from a trip to See BodyWorlds 2 exhibit in Boston) to 11:15pm. I was actually very awake when I was doing this planning last night because I was so excited about the lesson I had done for Spanish 2. So although I was tired today I went into if feeling very excited that I was finally going to have 2 good classes in one day. I felt organized and energized to teach the new information. But I just got out of the lesson and felt very dissatisfied. In reality it probably wasn't such a horrible class but it wasn't what I'd expected. It moved way to slow, I didn't keep everybody involved, and I'm not sure how much solid information they actually learned that will prep them for the new chapter. What happens is every unit revolves around a common theme and place. This Unit is actually based in Mexico and the first chapter is all about things having to do with school. The first two pages have a ridiculous amount of information about México and then the next page is the start to the specific chapter where there is a photo and the kids are supposed to discuss what they see in the photo and then surmise what they'll be learning in it. Then they move on to the presentation of the vocab. So, in the 50 minutes I had, I only got them that first photo of the Etapa (aka. chapter). They seemed tired, bored, and therefore were unengaged. I tried to get them moving and talking and doing something different by putting them in groups to look for information but it only worked for a short time.
I guess what I'm finding so difficult is that I'm trying to conduct a class all in Spanish to class of students with the widest range of exposure to Spanish. Some girls have absolutely no idea what I am saying most of the time and then the ones who do know what is going on are bored out of their minds. and I can't find a way to reach and engage them all (something which is necessary in Spanish. as for the ones who don't have a clue...those are the kids that are the hardest to teach. Because they don't have a clue what i am saying or how to respond. my job in Spanish 1 is to give them those basic tools, lay the foundation for their education in Spanish. That is a heck load of responsibility and pressure because their future in Spanish depends on this basic information they need to learn in this class that I teach. If I do it in the wrong/confusing way they have to learn it all over again from somebody else and it holds them back. I hate that responsability. It's even more frustrating because I watch Marilyn teach and she does all this stuff so naturally and I see everything I need to do to be a better teacher with these students from Spanish one, but I just can't see to implement those skills in the classroom when I am teaching. LIke last night....I got so excited to finally start a unit/chapter off right and was so organized but during the class it didn't seem to be enough. I still missed so many key points and actions. because you ahve to correct a kid every time they say or write something wrong. and that happens every single second because they are still not comfortable with the skills their employing. arggh...... no es divertido enseñar así.
It seems like it's going to take forever until I get comfortable with this class. I am trying to not be so egotistical and think that I am the only vessel of knowledge these kids can learn from....that is not my point, I think my point is that I just want to do it right for them the first time. I can't just have them be my guinea pigs for the year and try and fail all the time. I need to be successful because this is their education that I'm dealing with. I don't want them to go into Spanish two next year not feeling comfortable in the basics. I guess it's hard too because the basics are so hard to explain because i use them so comfortably and don't even think about. You have to think about Spanish in a whole new way to be able to teach and explain it. it's no easy job. It's so much easier to teach Spanish 2 because at least they have their basic skills already under their belts and they can try to understand me from context. They've heard the majority of words/verb structures that I am using and I don't need to explain every freakin word/context to them. They don't stare at me with blank faces because they already have the vocab necessary to understand the context.
So I'm done with my venting at this moment because complaining will never get me far. I really really want to get this down right and I'm determined to be successful. I just want the roller coaster to ease up ont he extremes...I want that confidence and ability to come as soon as possible. :/
But now for the downer.... After my Spanish 2 class I had about 3 hours to review and perfect my lesson plans for Spanish 1 at 1:45pm. I had done most of the planning until 2am last night (probably a factor of my sour mood) after being on dorm duty from 8pm (when we returned from a trip to See BodyWorlds 2 exhibit in Boston) to 11:15pm. I was actually very awake when I was doing this planning last night because I was so excited about the lesson I had done for Spanish 2. So although I was tired today I went into if feeling very excited that I was finally going to have 2 good classes in one day. I felt organized and energized to teach the new information. But I just got out of the lesson and felt very dissatisfied. In reality it probably wasn't such a horrible class but it wasn't what I'd expected. It moved way to slow, I didn't keep everybody involved, and I'm not sure how much solid information they actually learned that will prep them for the new chapter. What happens is every unit revolves around a common theme and place. This Unit is actually based in Mexico and the first chapter is all about things having to do with school. The first two pages have a ridiculous amount of information about México and then the next page is the start to the specific chapter where there is a photo and the kids are supposed to discuss what they see in the photo and then surmise what they'll be learning in it. Then they move on to the presentation of the vocab. So, in the 50 minutes I had, I only got them that first photo of the Etapa (aka. chapter). They seemed tired, bored, and therefore were unengaged. I tried to get them moving and talking and doing something different by putting them in groups to look for information but it only worked for a short time.
I guess what I'm finding so difficult is that I'm trying to conduct a class all in Spanish to class of students with the widest range of exposure to Spanish. Some girls have absolutely no idea what I am saying most of the time and then the ones who do know what is going on are bored out of their minds. and I can't find a way to reach and engage them all (something which is necessary in Spanish. as for the ones who don't have a clue...those are the kids that are the hardest to teach. Because they don't have a clue what i am saying or how to respond. my job in Spanish 1 is to give them those basic tools, lay the foundation for their education in Spanish. That is a heck load of responsibility and pressure because their future in Spanish depends on this basic information they need to learn in this class that I teach. If I do it in the wrong/confusing way they have to learn it all over again from somebody else and it holds them back. I hate that responsability. It's even more frustrating because I watch Marilyn teach and she does all this stuff so naturally and I see everything I need to do to be a better teacher with these students from Spanish one, but I just can't see to implement those skills in the classroom when I am teaching. LIke last night....I got so excited to finally start a unit/chapter off right and was so organized but during the class it didn't seem to be enough. I still missed so many key points and actions. because you ahve to correct a kid every time they say or write something wrong. and that happens every single second because they are still not comfortable with the skills their employing. arggh...... no es divertido enseñar así.
It seems like it's going to take forever until I get comfortable with this class. I am trying to not be so egotistical and think that I am the only vessel of knowledge these kids can learn from....that is not my point, I think my point is that I just want to do it right for them the first time. I can't just have them be my guinea pigs for the year and try and fail all the time. I need to be successful because this is their education that I'm dealing with. I don't want them to go into Spanish two next year not feeling comfortable in the basics. I guess it's hard too because the basics are so hard to explain because i use them so comfortably and don't even think about. You have to think about Spanish in a whole new way to be able to teach and explain it. it's no easy job. It's so much easier to teach Spanish 2 because at least they have their basic skills already under their belts and they can try to understand me from context. They've heard the majority of words/verb structures that I am using and I don't need to explain every freakin word/context to them. They don't stare at me with blank faces because they already have the vocab necessary to understand the context.
So I'm done with my venting at this moment because complaining will never get me far. I really really want to get this down right and I'm determined to be successful. I just want the roller coaster to ease up ont he extremes...I want that confidence and ability to come as soon as possible. :/
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Beginner Teachers Institute - NYSAIS 10/26
Every year NYSAIS (New York State Association of Independent Schools) puts on various conferences that support the professional development of teachers in their association. It is our (the other interns and I) second and last night here in Renssalaerville, NY (http://www.riconferencecenter.com/), a beautiful setting which certainly facilitates learning and inspiration. The conference started yesterday at 4pm and ends tomorrow morning. To sum it up: the first night we all gathered in one room and we were asked to think back to our first 10 minutes of teaching: what were we thinking, how prepared were we, what were the reactions.... then we had to get with a partner who we didn't know and share our different experience. we did the same with a different topic: sharing stories about the worst teacher that we had...the one who just didn't get us. then we turned to the positive route: who inspired us the most...possibly someone who inspired us to be a teacher. what a great idea, but i had such a difficult time remembering. I guess that could a be a good thing - to not have too many memories of bad teachers in my life. but I seriously couldn't think back too far into my educational history. I guess that's because it was so divided from going from private preschool to public elementary (kindergarten-1st) to private elementary/middle school (2nd-8th) to public hs (9th,10th) to boarding high school (11th,12th). I wouldn't trade that experience for anything but I'd say that had a unique affect on my scholastic and moral education.
After that first session we were divided into what are called "home groups". These were groups that included people from all the different types of teaching (lower, middle, upper....language, history, science, math, etc.). In those groups we shared 1. Our lowest low in teaching. 2. Our highest high. 3. Personal goals at this time in our life and 4. Professional goals.
The sharing of the lowest of lows was quite interesting and I must say entertaining too. It was great to be around people with similar experiences to mine. so you want to hear my lowest low? it's actually quite embarrassing as it only involved teaching my Spanish 1 students the numbers 11-100 (how to spell them and say them). easy right? Little did I know that i had absolutely no idea how to explain this simple concept to people who just started learning the language a month ago. not to mention this was the second class I had had with Spanish 1 and was all set to redeem myself after a not so good first class. well, let me tell you my friends, teaching numbers is not as easy as you think. I got up in front of the class and realized that I hadn't thought out the explanation of what 11-30 (ex. 11- once, 23- veintitrés, 30-treinta) and the majority of the numbers after 30 are two words for one number (42- cuarenta y dos)
when preparing this lesson just wasn't thinking like a student new to Spanish or even thinking like a teacher. It didn't occur to me that I should explain why you drop the e and the y and add an i for those one word numbers.... I also didn't think about trying to explain it in English instead of Spanish but instead tried to use words in Spanish (that they don't know yet) to explain what the heck I was doing. ah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Such lack of preparation and thinking led to 1. blank stares from students 2. a ridiculous amount of sweat dripping down my back, oh yes! and sweaty palms, too! 3. Marilyn (my mentor who observes me in this class every day!) giving looks of pain, but definitely not offering any help. 4. me wanting to rip my clothes off and jump out the window but deciding better to just give them a water break, correct the homework and then send them home.
I thought i'd had some bad classes with Spanish 2 but this class topped all the previous lows. I was having an out of body experience where i could see how it was all rolling down hill at a very fast pace....not good.
main point = forgot that teachers must teach, not just talk, they must know the ins and outs of the information that is to be presented. they must anticipate misunderstandings. Although it is wonderful to get to the point in my own personal use of Spanish where I don't have think about the whys with everything that I write or say, I need to remember that I was not at that point in 9th/10th grade and my students are certainly not there either. I am clearly being humbled here and learning to know this beautiful language from a completely fresh perspective.
After that first session we were divided into what are called "home groups". These were groups that included people from all the different types of teaching (lower, middle, upper....language, history, science, math, etc.). In those groups we shared 1. Our lowest low in teaching. 2. Our highest high. 3. Personal goals at this time in our life and 4. Professional goals.
The sharing of the lowest of lows was quite interesting and I must say entertaining too. It was great to be around people with similar experiences to mine. so you want to hear my lowest low? it's actually quite embarrassing as it only involved teaching my Spanish 1 students the numbers 11-100 (how to spell them and say them). easy right? Little did I know that i had absolutely no idea how to explain this simple concept to people who just started learning the language a month ago. not to mention this was the second class I had had with Spanish 1 and was all set to redeem myself after a not so good first class. well, let me tell you my friends, teaching numbers is not as easy as you think. I got up in front of the class and realized that I hadn't thought out the explanation of what 11-30 (ex. 11- once, 23- veintitrés, 30-treinta) and the majority of the numbers after 30 are two words for one number (42- cuarenta y dos)
when preparing this lesson just wasn't thinking like a student new to Spanish or even thinking like a teacher. It didn't occur to me that I should explain why you drop the e and the y and add an i for those one word numbers.... I also didn't think about trying to explain it in English instead of Spanish but instead tried to use words in Spanish (that they don't know yet) to explain what the heck I was doing. ah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Such lack of preparation and thinking led to 1. blank stares from students 2. a ridiculous amount of sweat dripping down my back, oh yes! and sweaty palms, too! 3. Marilyn (my mentor who observes me in this class every day!) giving looks of pain, but definitely not offering any help. 4. me wanting to rip my clothes off and jump out the window but deciding better to just give them a water break, correct the homework and then send them home.
I thought i'd had some bad classes with Spanish 2 but this class topped all the previous lows. I was having an out of body experience where i could see how it was all rolling down hill at a very fast pace....not good.
main point = forgot that teachers must teach, not just talk, they must know the ins and outs of the information that is to be presented. they must anticipate misunderstandings. Although it is wonderful to get to the point in my own personal use of Spanish where I don't have think about the whys with everything that I write or say, I need to remember that I was not at that point in 9th/10th grade and my students are certainly not there either. I am clearly being humbled here and learning to know this beautiful language from a completely fresh perspective.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
school visit to Concord Academy
So at this point in my teaching career I feel like I really haven't established a teaching style for myself. I see myself more like a big sponge than anything else because i just have so much to learn and I am just soaking up everything I can from whatever resources are presented to me. last wednesday the language department took off and went to visit Concord Academy in Concord, MA. Not only was the trip itself a great bonding experience with 3 other of the female teachers (Marilyn, my mentor, Lauren-a french teacher. she was an intern last year. and Sabra- french teacher from canada) but it was a wonderful opportunity to see different styles of teaching. Señor Cambria was by far the best teacher that I have seen yet. I visited both his spanish i and spanish ii classes. I guess what was so impressive was how well organized and high achieving the classroom was. when students walked into the classroom the first thing they did was go find who their class partner was for the day. apparently they switch partners every day and this partner is the person with whom they speak, correct homework and do other exercises. every class starts with dialogue with your partner about the segment of the Destinos video that was assigned the night before. Destinos is great program where students' learning is based off of a spanish telenovela (soap opera) called Destinos.through this telenovela they are exposed to multiple aspects of many spanish speaking cultures as well as all the necessary grammatical education. It is very interactive and useful and i noticed a stark difference with the level of the spanish used by the concord students compared with Emma students. These students were using preterite (past) tense as if they'd been doing it for a year. while I struggle daily to get full sentences out of my girls, these students were speaking with ease and comfort, seeming quite knowlegeable of what they were saying. it was incredible. also there was no whining or complaining about assignments or requests. maybe the class could be more disciplined because it was coed and unfortunately I think that the gender dynamics of the classroom definitely affect the atmosphere of learning. girls at emma are way to babied but they also would break down if I were to demand the same kind of performance, respect and discipline as the students at concord academy.
so the point is, that I learned a whole lot from this visit. I'm anxious to apply some of the ideas from Cambria's class to my own classroom. I'm feeling that I got no where to go but up and I am so grateful for all these awesome examples. this coming week I am going with the other interns to the NY state Beginner teachers' Institute in Rennsalaerville. it's a three day gathering and training of new teachers from all across the state. Seminars will be given to educate us on teaching tools and methods and also we will be able to discuss the experiences we've had up until now with teaching. it'll be a good experience but i'm a little upset because i am missing classes for it. tomorrow on my day off I need to make up lesson plans for both Spanish One and Two because Marilyn will be taking them over for me while I'm gone. It's funny because I feel like those students are my guinnea pigs, babies is probably a better word, and I don't want to be away from them for too long. I especially don't want them to get confused with the switching back and forth between teaching styles. good things is that I've been told by students and parents that my teaching style is very similar to marilyns and therefore the students haven't noted much difficulty when we switched from marilyn to me....
okay so now I'm getting tired and it's noticeable in this writing. what happened to the days when 11:30pm seemed early to me?
so the point is, that I learned a whole lot from this visit. I'm anxious to apply some of the ideas from Cambria's class to my own classroom. I'm feeling that I got no where to go but up and I am so grateful for all these awesome examples. this coming week I am going with the other interns to the NY state Beginner teachers' Institute in Rennsalaerville. it's a three day gathering and training of new teachers from all across the state. Seminars will be given to educate us on teaching tools and methods and also we will be able to discuss the experiences we've had up until now with teaching. it'll be a good experience but i'm a little upset because i am missing classes for it. tomorrow on my day off I need to make up lesson plans for both Spanish One and Two because Marilyn will be taking them over for me while I'm gone. It's funny because I feel like those students are my guinnea pigs, babies is probably a better word, and I don't want to be away from them for too long. I especially don't want them to get confused with the switching back and forth between teaching styles. good things is that I've been told by students and parents that my teaching style is very similar to marilyns and therefore the students haven't noted much difficulty when we switched from marilyn to me....
okay so now I'm getting tired and it's noticeable in this writing. what happened to the days when 11:30pm seemed early to me?
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