I am a contribution

n the book Art of Possibility, the authors have a chapter called "Being a contribution". The main idea is that we should go into our days with the attitude that you have something to contribute, something of value that will positively affect the day. well, I've been just about fed up with how I've been feeling recently when preparing and teaching classes. I've been going to class with the attitude that I'm going to fail, or that they won't understand me,or that I am too incompetent in my knowledge of Spanish to be able to teach it. Point is that I have been knocking myself down and limited my potential. It's been really easy to be like this because the attitude has been pretty negative around here. I know this is contrary to what I wrote at the beginning of the year, pretty much saying that life was perfect. well this still is a very special place, but what's happened is that there is a lot of change going on here and change makes people unhappy and uncomfortable. we just adopted a block schedule, there is a lot of reconstruction and construction changing the look of the campus, old traditions are being altered, there's new faculty, yada yada....point is that many people are uncomfortable with the growing pains and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. So recently I've been really affected by their attitudes. Every day someone has something negative to say about the schedule or the construction outside our office, or the alertness of the students, etc.

Well I'm fed up with it. I'm tired of feeling like i'm going to vomit before or during my class. I'm tired of complaining, I'm tired of feeling like a downer and so it's time for a change. I want to declare myself a contribution each day, whether big or small. I need to keep it all in perspective and try to see that light at the end of tunnel. My housemate here gave me a good thought: Getting somewhere hard to get to takes a lot of work. Seems like an obvious statement but it's so true. I need to remember that I will not become a super amazing teacher in one day, two months, or even a year, or two years....the point is that any goal is going to take some work to reach and i just need to suck it up and get through the growing pains.This said, there is still the possibility for good each day. that is where the contribution comes in. i need to declare myself a contribution each and every moment of every day or else I will be bound to fail. I know deep down that I have something to offer these girls.It may not be perfection as a teacher but there is always something positive that i can bring every day. I don't like how it feels to dig my own grave and put myself down after every failure. I need to challenge my/the general conception of reality and deny that failure always has to be something negative. Instead failure is a sign of growth, improvement, advancement.

I'll let you know how it goes.